[COA] A Very Important Discussion (Zexion/Genesis, post-Mine Event)

[recitings]

Okay. Zexion will probably start off by apologizing for being such a worry, then, when it really turned out much less severe than he'd been expecting...

Z: "Riku's a very strange foe... friend. I'm not exactly sure what we are anymore."

G: "Hm. I see. You two must have a complicated history... with that other boy, Cadence, too?"

Z: "A little more complicated yet. I'm sorry I pointed you at him. It was stupid of me. Spiteful. I... might have done it partway on purpose, but I didn't mean for it to end in a fullblown fight."
"I just... wanted the security of your protection, I suppose."
"Someone took advantage of him once. Made him think that by destroying me, leeching my life, he could gain a better sense of himself... one of my own, betrayed me. As good as a knife in the back. Cadence was sort of an ignorant pawn."

and at that point, Genesis might have wanted to snuggle up against him: spoon him if they were on a bed or at least hold him close.

G: "I see. That was terrible. However, you do have the security of my protection. You know that now, don't you?"

Zexion cuddles in a bit guiltily, snuggling down a bit deeper so that his head is resting lower on Genesis's chest

G: "What kind of a SOLDIER would I be if I can't protect even one precious person to me?"

Z: "I should have never brought my unfinished business here into your home."
"Riku... I.... suppose he's taken to thinking of Cadence like some sort of little brother? Which is ironic, considering what Cadence really is, and how they were before. They've managed to resolve their differences, and Riku thought I was being menacing towards him, so of course he reacted defensively..."
"I've relied on stalwart guardian before, to keep me safe for most of my life... and I've lost him, due to my own overconfidence in his ability to handle a threat on his own. I still feel badly about that. Please understand, Genesis... I feel like it's wrong to expect you to protect me, soldier or not?"

G: (with a little kiss pressed to the top of his head) "I understand. But still, whether or not you expect me to, it's still something that's written deeply into my system. It would be hard to keep me from acting like the SOLDIER I am to you. Or to anyone I care for."

"I suppose this city really has a way with changing the bonds between people from the same world. It's altered the way Sephiroth and I see each other, too."

Z: "Elena told me to be wary of Sephiroth. That he was toxic. A monster."
"I admit he has a sort of presence about him.... that reminds me of someone who might have been called the same. But you and Zack seem to be companionable with him- you fought together?"
""Reno didn't seem fond of you either, when he went to interview, to be honest. I thought it impolite to pry..." (Oh well, here he is nosing straight at the source anyway.)

G: "Hm. We have a complicated history of our own, really. All of us. Would you like to hear about it? It won't be a pretty tale."

Z: "I would? If you trust me with it."

G: "Sephiroth and I used to be of the highest echelon of fighters in our military group. We were also rivals. Elena and Reno were part of another group that acted more like spies for the same company. Sephiroth and I were once very close friends. However, when I learned the truth about my origins-- that I wasn't human at all-- I began a war that encompassed the entire world and pit myself against those who were my friends, including Zack, who was my best friend's student. Sephiroth died during that war. I led him to the events of his death. But in turn, his anger turned him into a real monster who terrorized the world after Zack defeated me."

Z: "You... aren't human at all? I heard about the war. Elena mentioned that, too. Darkness can change people, when rage encompasses the heart. We've seen it so many times."

G: "I suppose rage had changed me, but that isn't accurate. I wasn't human from the very beginning. I was the product of an experiment to splice humans with alien genes to create the perfect SOLDIER. Sephiroth and my best friend were perfect products. I, on the other hand, was a failure."

Z: "So....you would have never really grown to succeed your father at the orchard? You were always meant to be an experimental soldier?"
"I... have a feeling you are going to despise me before long, Genesis."

G: "No. They really intended for me to stay in Banora, to spend the rest of my life without becoming a SOLDIER. It was the fate of someone they deemed as an absolute failure. That's why they gave me away to landowners. That's why I wasn't raised by anyone affiliated with the scientists who worked on me. But my willpower seemed to be stronger than that."
"Why would I despise you, Zexion?"

Z: "You sought your destiny regardless. I see. That's... very romantic of you."
"...Well. For one, Cadence is a product of similar research. Not Alien Genetic Materials, but... my Organization sought means of regaining our hearts through a legendary weapon called the Keyblade. When the chosen seemed unlikely to cooperate, a project was assembled to devise means of replicating a copy out of memory data, who would be obedient to our cause."
"My colleague Vexen, who was one of the people who raised me, created him. He's a copy of Riku, you might have guessed."
"Along the way, it seems he resolved to become his own self."

G: "I see... so... you are a scientist."

There's a bit of conflict in the way Genesis holds him now. It seems to feel less secure. But there's a conscious effort to retain that same firm hold as before, not let it falter.

Z: "I was. When I was young, I was taken in by a king who put high value on progress. He was lauded as wise. We- his apprentices, were all taught the sciences. And we did research of our own."
"Our experiment that went very badly... when we lost our hearts? That was performed on ourselves. I was still young, then. I was very enamored with the apprentice our master favored. He was the one with all the boldest ideas."

G: "I see." (And somehow, that hold around Zexion's body seems to feel more secure now.) "You may be a scientist, but it seems like you are an experiment yourself. I can't despise you for what you've been through."

Z: "We've done regrettable things. Set the fall of worlds in motion- really, on the wider scale, so much trouble... Riku does have every right to see us as terrible."

G: "It's funny. You said you had no heart. And now, you tell me you're a scientist. But... neither of those make me want to let go of you. And truth be told, if Zack wasn't there to stop me, I might have ruined my world myself. That's why Reno hates me so much."

Z: "As I've said... I know the dark well. What it can do to even the very strongest of hearts. You don't frighten me. I've seen people behave badly before, upon thinking themselves failures. Or realizing a terrible truth about themselves."

G: "Perhaps that's part of why I've become so fond of you." (and with a chuckle, he moves to gently caress that spot behind Zexion's neck.) "You know my kind of darkness well. Even if we had never spoken about it."

Z: (He sighs, settling his head forward, body going heavy) "Maybe. Sometimes... I really don't understand why you're so fond of me. But you've made me feel appreciated, in a way that nobody ever has."
"I thought.." (He sighs guiltier) "I was half-hoping, maybe, that my Superior would finally come for me, if I made a bit of a scene on the network. We haven't been speaking for weeks and I wanted to see if I could get his attention. That much, I should probably admit to you. I didn't expect *you* would come instead."
"Riku's right, it seems that after all this time, I've really been discarded."
"But maybe that's for the best. I like the way I am, the way I feel with you."

Now, that makes Genesis still. It hurts a little to know that the message was for someone in particular. But, he relaxes once more once he's told that he prefers how he feels with him.

G: "You don't deserve someone who could easily throw you away. I think... I think I won't ever do that to you."

It was precisely why Genesis sought Zexion out even after one day without him, even though he knew of people who could give him so much affection.

Z: "You shouldn't decide what I do or don't deserve until you understand the whole of me, Genesis..."
"But I thank you, for that."
"I think that I do owe you the truth, at least, of whatever you want to ask."

G: (He presses another kiss to the top of his head then) "I wonder if people like you can ever regain their hearts."

Z: "I've wondered that for what seems like the longest time."
"I've never wanted it the same way I do, right now. I want it for you, Genesis. I'd try to feel all I could for you, I think, if I did have a heart."

G: "That desire you feel, though... it almost sounds as if you do own a heart. That feeling of longing, yearning... isn't that what hearts do?"

Z: "We... remember, what the echoes of feeling are like. We retained the will to remember ourselves as we were. That's what makes us different from common Nobodies."
"So this sentiment... I don't know if it's real, or just what I think ought to be. I'm an illusionist. I have a very vivid imagination. I'm very clever at deceiving even myself."

G: "I want to think it's real, Zexion. It's selfish, but I think it is. You were willing to take me back, after all. Even after you saw the worst of me.

Z: "I enjoy your company. I won't deny that. I just need a bit of my own space, from time to time... and to resolve my own problems, without help unless I ask for it."
"Anyway..." (He lifts his arm to show Genesis the symbol on the back of his right hand, studying the raised black lines.) "I am what I am. Riku left me with this reminder of it."

G: "Is this... the mark of a Nobody?"

Z: "The emblem of my Organization, yes."

G: "I see. I wonder why he chose to do this to you?"

Z: "Because I reminded Cadence what he was. During the storm, I ... I was reduced to our baser forms. I was defining anything I could get my hands on, to try and remember myself."
"Defining with the sort of ink that stays with you" (He motions again to those sharp black lines, tracing their angular points.)

G: (And Genesis moves to take Zexion's hand and trace slowly over those lines with his thumb.) "So it's a tattoo and can never be removed... that's cruel. But I suppose it was fair, considering what you did to Cadence. I'm just glad that no further harm was done to you."

Z: "I've said crueller things to Riku. They might not show, but I have a feeling they've been just as permanent."

G: "I see. What exactly went on there? When you left me."

Z: "He brought me into the darkness and marked me with it."
"Despite all our years of research, Riku holds better command of the darkness than my kind ever could. You see... the other half, the darkness, of our leader's heart..."
"That wound up with Riku. He chose him, for a... host? Of sorts."
"That Riku retains his own will is extraordinary."

G: "Ah. No wonder he had a powerful aura about him. I was almost ready to have an all-out fight with him. But I guess it was a good thing I wasn't agitated and you cut in."

Z: "Fighting him would surely bring his allies against us both resoundingly. That is something I absolutely insist we avoid."
".... It's so easy, to think of us as We... do you feel that way too?"

G: "You and I...? I will admit that I do feel that way, too. Particularly now, when I'm with you. But I try not to use it."

Z: (Zexion nestles a little deeper into his arms, turning over to face him.) "Do you mind it, if I do?"

G: "I don't mind it if you do. After all, I'm your beau." (And with a smile, he presses a kiss to his forehead, nosing away the little strands of hair in the way)

Z: "Belonging to something ... to someone. Maybe several someones... I know that was important to Ienzo. Very important. Even if he rarely let it show."
"I was always afraid of losing my place again."
"Losing those people."
"Who am I, after all, without them. I think I am becoming the same way, slowly, with you."

G: "You don't mind belonging to me, then? Becoming mine? I'm yours, that is for certain."

Z: "You're certain? I'll be yours... a little at a time, maybe, since I can't give you all of me. My heart is missing, so to call those parts of me yours would be deceptive."
"I'll be yours at The Rapier, if you'll still have me, for a start. And I could belong here, I think. In your home."

G: "I'm certain. I was the one who suggested that you call me your beau, after all. And I'd love to call you my assistant at the club and my flatmate. That would be enough for a start."

Z: "Your patience with me is beautiful, you know, when I think about what a wildly passionate person you are."

G: "Honestly, it's easy to be patient when there are ways to burn off the passion when it builds."

Z: (And there's a thigh pressed in cautious warning into his groin, a breathy thing of a laugh) "Easy now..."

G: "Careful. You might make me all passionate again." (And Genesis is laughing, too.) "Sometimes, I think I really can't resist it with you. You set the sparks off in me so easily."

Z: "...but you're old friends with a man like Sephiroth, and you prefer *me*? That's insane, you know. That's... It really baffles me."
"I've never been so excellent to anyone. I've always been among excellent men, pulling out every trick just to keep pace."

G: "I guess you're lucky with me, then. You need no tricks to be excellent to me. I enjoy you the way you are. I adore you for all you are. Heart or no heart. Even if you are a scientist. I can't totally explain it, but I feel as if... I feel right with you. And not just in the bedroom. I've thought about you a lot."

There's a long silence, broken only by a strange shuddering of breath against Genesis's chest. Zexion isn't really sure what to say, or if he ought to just honor the feelings of a heart in earnest quiet.

"Besides that, Sephiroth is a horrible man for all his power. As if I'd ever prefer someone like that over a keen young man like you full to the brim with creative energy."

Zexion's arm clings, wrapping around his admirer's back, walking aimless patterns with his fingers over shoulderblades. Finally-

Z: "Why did they think you a failure, Genesis? You're perfect."

G: "I guess the scientists of my world seemed to have forgotten how powerful a human heart could be."

And he holds him a bit tighter, happier to hear those words from him. Never had he felt so *secure* about how they were until now.

Z: "Our common hubris, to think we can define it, understand it.... You're lovely, you know. Even when I wind up a little sore and exhausted. Is that why you have wings, the project?"

G: "Yes. The wings were due to the experiment done on me. That's why Sephiroth also has one, too. It's the same with my best friend, who was the perfect product from the same scientist who worked on me. I used to hate mine immensely."

Z: "I'm sorry for giving so much cooing fuss over them... they're a little fantastical."

G: "You make me feel a lot better about them, honestly."

Z: "You'd think a man who loves poetry would understand our envy! Most men at some point in their lives, I think, wish to be like birds."
"When the world seems too small to hold you."

G: (At that, he laughs) "I guess it's hard to realize it when they remind you of something far darker. But I do understand. And you can feel free to indulge in them all you want."

Z: "I'd much rather climb into your nest with them, then risk it with heights. But maybe someday..."
"I'm glad to know now, instead of guessing, about you and the men who were your company back home."

G: "I'm glad I know better now, too, about you, your world, Riku and Cadence, what you did, and what happened to you."

He thinks it's too sappy to say it aloud, but he's tempted to admit that he feels a little more secure in his love for him now, too.

Z: "I don't know if I've explained it right, if you really understand what happened at all, if you still want to be holding me like this.... but the truth is, I don't want you to stop."

G: "To tell you the truth, there were moments wherein I hesitated. But I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't draw back. Because for some reason, I still love who you are despite what you've done."

Z: "Riku said I should try to move forward. As long as you're sure I'm not hiding things... that you trust me, I really can't think of a better way, than this."

G: "Honestly, the only thing I want hidden from me are the people you take to bed other than me." (At that, Genesis huffs the smallest bit, but not in the irritated kind of way.) "Though I guess I can make an exception for Edmund since you've watched us do it once."

Z: "That almost feels unfairly dishonest with yourself, to pretend you don't know what I'm doing, to keep the illusion that's just you... but I can do that, tp be considerate, if that's what you'd prefer. I thought you wickedly attractive with Edmund, you should know. I could watch the two of you for hours at it, I think."

G: "You don't want me turning green-eyed at every single person you spend time in the bedroom with, don't you? I'd be more than happy to keep my list of lovers a secret from you as well. But..." (he laughs a little) "... perhaps I'll call you the next time Edmund and I hook up."

Z: "If that's what it takes to keep you out of the guard stations." (His laugh is mildly joking, uneasily feeble.) "Edmund would be a good start, I think."
"And maybe I'll find a way to change that green-eyed monster's mind.."

G: "Hm. Sounds like a project worth undertaking. I'd honestly like to see you try."

Z: "After all, if I let you see on purpose... that means I might be fooling around with someone else, but you're the one preoccupying my mind."

G: (heat rises up to Genesis' cheeks at the suggestion.) "Ah... really now?"

Z: "Think about that, next time you catch yourself thinking of me while you're with someone else."
"What if I let myself think about you, at least once, every time I have sex with someone else. Then we'll be betraying everyone but each other... isn't that sort-of-romantic?" (He chuckles, a dark sound) "I might need a lot of help with romance, Genesis."

G: (The heat never leaves Genesis' cheeks) "... it does sound sort-of-romantic." (There's hesitance there, but he can see his point. After all, he had thought of Zexion often while he was in bed with someone else. Especially after the time he went away with Riku.)

Z: "What if you let me steal little peeks at you once in awhile, Genesis? While you were in someone else. Wouldn't you like that? Making me crave you, wherever I happened to be, whatever else I was doing?"
"Or what if you picked a day and just plagued me with thoughts of how sorely I should hope you'll be home that night?"
"I'd like that kind of game, I think."

G: "Frankly, I'm a little hesitant about playing the game. But... ah. You naughty boy. You tempt me so much. And I'm not the type to back away from a challenge."

Z: (Smirking, he nuzzles his body up close enough to push at his partner's.) "I have a talent for making people give me what I want, Genesis. It's gotten me into quite a bit of trouble. I suppose I should be careful what I wish for- but it's too late now, I guess."

G: "You really want this game, don't you?" (And he takes a deep breath, his one hand sliding down the length of his spine) "both of us, teasing each other without mercy..."

Z: "Well, and there's nothing stopping me from taking care of it myself, right there in the moment, unless I happen to be caught somewhere inconveniencing?"
"Unless you'd rather forbid me from touching myself, thinking about you?"
"That could leave me very restless, you know."

G: "That would make me a cruel lover to you, wouldn't it?"
"I wouldn't forbid you from doing such a thing."

Z: "You're very generous" (He laughs, realizing he was asking for cruelty outright, just now, and lifts his chin with an upward squirm to peck a kiss at the underside of his chin. His eyes narrow, gently self-mocking) "Maybe I'm just a little twisted. Scientist, and everything."

G: "I do find that a little hard to deny. But you're more charming than any scientist I've ever encountered. You make it hard for me to deny you."

Z: "You haven't even seen me swimming in my labcoat,a few sizes too big. We had to roll the sleeves. I was irresistible, then."
"I should have never let myself figure that out. Maybe I'd still be going by Ienzo."

G: "..." (and Genesis finds himself imagining that. He really doesn't know how to feel as he can't think of lab coats without shuddering.) "... That is really playing up your youth, isn't it?"

Z: "No, they honestly wouldn't fit me, then. I was small."
"Ansem only had them sized for adults, so I had to make do."

G: "You know I enjoy the difference in age between us but... I wouldn't dare touch your ten year old self. That is way too young."

Z: "...I know. I'm reminding you just how long ago it was, that I considered myself a scientist, instead of.... part of a desperate group of star-searchers, hanging onto the edge of existence. Vexen kept it up. For the rest of us, it was mostly exploration."

G: "Ah. I see. So you don't consider yourself one anymore?"

Z: "I think the master we betrayed would never have us call ourselves respectable ones again?"
"That is... I think I regret the mistakes we made, too much to say so with any sort of pride."

Genesis takes a deep breath. Ah, all his mixed feelings on science and people in the sciences.

G: "A part of me feels grateful you regret it all. Then again, I once was in the company of mad men who never once regretted what they had done. We- their creations- were just their pawns in a grand pissing competition."

Z: "So you understand the replica's perspective clearly, then. And Riku's... Well, I don't blame you for that."
"Unfortunately, as far as we know, the keyblade is of utmost necessity for restoring our hearts."
"Cadence... was really more or less a blade pointed in my direction by a traitor, but a blade of my own trusted colleague's making. It was pilfered from him, memories scrambled. Marluxia was horrid, really. I.... suppose in the end I deserved what was coming to me."

G: "But your end wasn't your fault wasn't it? But I suppose... perhaps if I was a creation of yours, I might have done the same with the right provocation."
(He sighs and clearly remembers pointing a blade to Hollander's throat, threatening to end him.)

Z: "You might have." (He nods plainly, uncomfortable.) "Just as Riku was at first an intruder, to us."

G: "But that's all past. You're here now. And I suppose that for the long term, things need to be settled with those two. But I won't get in the way or meddle."

Z: (Zexion nods, leaning into him for a better cuddle.) "Thank you. I told you things were complicated. I'm sorry it got dragged right into your hallway."

G: "It's all right. It's over now. And you're with me again, and you'll be with me at the Club and here at home. I don't need to worry anymore."

Z: "I didn't think I'd ever have someone to fret over me like this again." (Another shuddery, broken exhale of a sound, like he's trying to get through something like a sob without forcing it.)

G: "Is it uncomfortable, Zexion?" (The sound makes him worry a bit)

Z: "No... I.... I don't know. It means I have to be more conscientious, to take care I don't get myself hurt."

G: (quietly, Genesis takes note as what seems like Zexion's indirect care for him) "You don't want me worrying too much about you, don't you?"

Z: "You've a whole club to be taking care of now. I should be the least of your worries."

G: "I trust that you won't get yourself in too much trouble on a daily basis. I think that's the benefit of sharing a home with you. I can rest assured I can see you at the end of the day."

Z: "So the second room and bath can be all mine, then? We'll share all the expenses?"

G: "Yes. They're all yours. And we can share the expenses. Take turns doing the grocery, even."

Z: "I like groceries. You can leave that to me entirely, if you don't mind."

G: "All right then. I'll leave you a bit of a grocery allowance then. That'll be fun. I'll let you buy what you like, then I can come up with recipes."

Z: "It'll be pleasantly quaint, for just the two of us.... does that please you?"

G: "It does." (and he laughs softly) "reminds me of a tale I once used to obsess over... a love story that was very popular in my world. In the story, the hero who had fought in a terrible war finds solace in someone from an opposing camp. And then they live together."

Z: "I don't think I'd ever want to be the opposing camp....but I'd like to take some solace in you, now and again."

G: "I think it's coincidence: you as a man who had dealt with science, choosing to live and find solace with me: a man created by mad science. But that just might be me reading too deeply into our relationship."

Z: "You are still trying so hard to forget, I think, that what I am was created by mad science, too."

G: "Ah. I'm sorry. Then we aren't from opposing camps." (and he'll brush a kiss to his forehead again in apology.)

Zexion surprises him then, with a softer kiss on the mouth, a rare thing.

Z: "I can still be your new obsession?"